Apartment Hunting and Such

So yesterday I went with my boyfriend to search for an apt in another city. Apt searching in Texas is can be a long, hard, hot day's work and I hadn't even ate any breakfast! Needless to say when he found the one at about 2 in the afternoon I was very happy. And hungry. But I was also feeling something else, jealousy, sadness, I don't know. I attributed it to the hunger. We hopped on over to the Steak n Shake across the street and I ate my food, smiling and talking about what a great apt he had found, and at such a great price too. Then it hit me. I had said earlier to him "You're so lucky, you get to live alone." He's paying for an apartment what I pay to live with 3 other roommates! I hate my college town. It's small and boring. Every apartment price is jacked up so I cant truly afford to live alone. I have another year of college left and I hope it flies by so fast. I have other things to do with my life. I feel trapped in a box. For now, I will wistfully look around his apartment, longing to have a place of my own. To decorate, to come home to and it will be just like I left it.

I'm in school to be a social worker, but I would love to also be an interior designer, judge or nail technician. I'm all over the place. Maybe I'll get to do these things in my lifetime. For now, I'm just ready to graduate!

Making Carts

I have a hobby known as making carts. Making carts? What is that you say? Well when I'm bored at work, home or anyplace I can get wireless, I will make an online shopping cart at some of my favorite stores. I will fill it full of things I want. Then I will not buy it. Yes, I will not buy it. I consider it the less rude version of filling my cart full of things at Wal-Mart and walking out or messing up that perfectly folded stack of tank tops at Old Navy. Those salespeople with the headsets on can give you a fierce evil eye over that.

No but really, I love to shop. But this college senior doesn't have the budget to do so. So making carts makes me happy. For now. They say I don't have a problem. I believe them. It's simply practice. Practice for when I get more money.

An ironic thing though is, when I get extra money my mind goes completely blank. I'm like, "OMG, I calculated all this months expenses and I have extra money left over! What to do?! Wait...let me add that up again. Yes, I really do have extra money! What to do?!" See, I had to do that double calculation because one month I thought I was really rolling in the dough but really I had forgot to pay the T-Mobile bill. Luckily, I hadn't spent too much money before I caught the mistake. Anyway, like I said, my mind goes completely blank and I don't know what to buy. I need to make a dream journal or a notebook for all my wishes. That would help. I would love to read that 10 years from now...

Under Pressure...I Caved

4th of July weekend, I took a trip home. My parents came and picked me up (yes) because my car is not working right now (that's another story). I got home late Friday night and chit chatted with my parents for a little while and then fell into bed. I was tired. The next day I was getting ready for a barbecue (that I didn't plan for) and was trying to manage my 2 months post relaxed hair. The two textures were driving me crazy but I was enduring. My mom comes in the bathroom and exclaims, "Why didn't you tell me you hair was like that? I could have put a perm on your hair!"What? My hair is like that? What is that? I asked her, "Is there a problem with my natural hair, the hair I was born with? What God gave me?" She responds slowly, "Well uh, no. It's just that it doesn't have a style. It would look better if you had a natural look."

A look? Do you even know what you're saying mom? Yes I understand that my hair looks awkward. I'm in a transitioning phase. There are two textures of hair on my head! I have yet to find someone who can do braids or another style that I want to help blend the textures. But do you of all people have to say negative things about that?

Saturday night, out of sheer frustration, I let her relax my hair. So she would stop talking about it. So my family would shut up and stop looking at me strange. So they could stop saying that if I didn't put a perm on my hair, my hair would get nappy and fall out. (Yeah, I'm still trying to figure that one out...) I hated every minute of it and the next day in church I kept thinking to myself that I felt very fake. Not truly who I was with this relaxed hair. I caved under pressure from the relentless sources of aggravation. I'm not proud of that at all. Hopefully, that will be my last relaxer. And if its not, then that should be my decision. Not because of anyone else and what they think about my hair. Like MJB says, "Just take me as I am or have nothing at all." I'm striving towards making this my mantra more and more everyday.